"Nice girl you have there!"
everything good makes you fat an addict or broke
"Have you fantasized about killing me?"
"How would you do it?"
mother: is it a boy or a girl?
doctor: *puts baby between teeth* it’s a metaphor
You think you’re going to be hip and teen forever and then suddenly you find yourself drinking red wine and playing board games and lusting after men with beards
bro you look so cute right now dude. dude you are so fucking adorable